The first thing I remember when I look down on the shimmering blue of the Earth is my little boy's eyes. The colour of innocence that once beamed with a pure excitement that penetrated my heart, but is now clouded over like a cyclone above the watery deep. Then I see the Sun shining up behind the Earth, and in every star the deep red that once oozed from my chest and mixed with my husband's, leaving its permanent mark on T.Ray's soul. When the bang sounded in our ears and my hand fell limp from his pleas, it was as if his own heart had shattered into thousands of tiny shrapnel, and that was the moment the storm had set in T.Ray's eyes.
There were times when he considered departing from the Earth to join us once again. The storm had wrecked havoc in his little world, and the debris had lodged itself into the deepest crevices of his heart. He'd been cast away from the mainland and left stranded on his own desolate island for many years, until his lifeline finally came along by the name of Deborah. Her hair and skin like the moonlight that guided him when the Sun went down as the storm set in, her lips were the raging fire which illuminated the dark nights. Piece by piece she bandaged his heart back together, even giving him a daughter to love as much as she did in the hope that an addition to their family would secure the bandage with an infinite bond.
But Deborah originated from the Earth just like every other girl, and the forest of doubt had grown taller than she could reach; Its branches reaching high into her sky and cutting off all light. Like a flower when in dark she sunk into depression, her petals dropping off and her leaves withering away into nothing. In her desperate attempt to break free, she ran away from the forest floor to which she was rooted, and in the process tearing off the bandage on T.Ray's old scars and creating a deep fresh open wound left gaping in the cold air as he struggled to keep his vitals stable. She was the eye of his storm, but now she had passed away, joining us in the grave of buried hopes and dreams.
The storm became a harsh blizzard that froze everything into that one instant, turning T.Ray’s heart ice cold and freezing him in that split second of time. He would never forget that moment. It was when for the third time he had watched the light go out and had caught that moment of transition between light and darkness with his very own eyes. It made little difference what happened there on as to where his soul was residing. All he saw when he looked at his daughter Lily was Deborah. The very sight of her brought back the realisation that he wasn't loved, that everyone he had loved the most had left him. Although she didn't mean to do it, it had been Lily who had pulled the trigger on Deborah, and this fact weaved itself between T.Ray’s heartstrings. From paper to stone his heart changed, and with the ice came a numbness which allowed him to watch Lily suffer under his feet, and prevented him from caring about the consequences of neglecting Lily's psychological health and not giving her the love and support she deserved.
Today it seems, however, that the ice has begun to thaw out, leaving his heart tender and full of regret. Lily has now been uprooted at her own accord, and is prospering in some distant land in which the soil is rich with nutrients and watered with love. Everyone he knew is now gone, even his servant has left him. Injured as a child he grew up disfigured in his soul, and this disfiguration drove help away and passed on the hurt to his own child. My little boy has now grown old, both in spirit and in body. But as he ponders his last breath, I know for sure that there is little doubt in his heart that he now sees not only the flaws of others, but also those of his own. As the storm passes over, he can see vividly the damage he has done, and he would give anything to erase it forever. If only it wasn't too late.
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